Personal Stories from those affected by sexual sin
The Trap of Pornography
—by Mark, age 22
I don’t remember the first time I went to church or the first time I kneeled down to pray, but I do remember the first time I ever saw a pornographic magazine.
Sometime between my 5th and 7th birthdays, I discovered the trap of pornography. It was the early 80’s and all that was around my father’s house was his Penthouse magazines. My parents were divorced and I was at the beginning of the rocky and dirty road of sexual addiction.
By the age of 8 I thought I knew all I needed to know about women. They were there for sexual pleasure, period. Of course, this wasn’t something I outwardly admitted, but I wore the mask.
About the age of twelve I began to attend a local church group for young teens. I made some wonderful friends there and enjoyed the time I spend with them. Funny thing was, as soon as I would get home, I would wait for my mother to go to sleep. Then I would turn on the television to the Playboy channel (which was scrambled) and watch intently, hoping to somehow catch a glimpse of the couples on the screen. I had begun an absolutely horrible habit. I was masturbating for hours everyday, sometimes more than once.
By the time I was 18 I left home, and my Internet. However my addiction to porn was SO strong that I snuck away from my friends and found myself browsing the selections of pornography magazines. At times I would feel guilty and unclean, but I never knew what it meant.
However, after I gave my life to Jesus last year (when I was 21) my entire lifestyle changed out of desire to live according to Jesus’ teaching. I suddenly knew that what I was doing was wrong and God gave me the strength to push it aside. But slowly…like a leaky faucet, sin slowly began to creep back into my unaware body. Before long I was masturbating again, but now I was ripped apart from the guilt of my obvious sin.
One day I had just had enough and I decided to seek help. I found out there was a book out called “Every Man’s Battle” that was written by two God fearing fellows that had followed a very similar path to mine. Over the course of time I realized that my sexual sin wasn’t just with the Internet, safely locked away on my computer. It was everywhere in my life. Satan had me where it counted, but God had used this incredibly real book to shine light on the dark areas of my soul.
I can say now with confidence, though I am still battling temptation—I have the Lord by my side. He has helped me get this far, and I do know, with the power of the Holy Spirit, I can kick Satan out of his comfort zone in my heart. I am clean from within, and Jesus has purged my of my sins and gives me the strength daily to fight temptations of the flesh, and stay right with Him.
If you are struggling with sexual temptation in your life, don’t be the introvert that finds him/herself in the deep pit I was in. Many other men and women have found themselves in the same pit, but never found their way out. Don’t be a statistic. Seek help from wise counsel brothers and sisters, and most of all, seek the Lord your God, Jesus Christ. He knows your troubles and is ringing the doorbell. Open the door to your heart and let Him in…