Reviewed by: Pamela Gardner
“VOTING” FOR BAD MOVIES—Every time you buy a movie ticket or rent a video you are casting a vote telling Hollywood “That’s what I want.” Why does Hollywood continue to promote immoral programming? Are YOU part of the problem? Answer
war in the Bible
What is the Biblical perspective on war? Answer
What is the Occult? Answer
witches in the Bible
|Featuring:||Jason Momoa … Conan—“Stargate: Atlantis” (TV series), “Baywatch” (TV)
Rachel Nichols … Tamara
Stephen Lang … Khalar Zym
Rose McGowan … Marique
Saïd Taghmaoui … Ela-Shan
Ron Perlman … Corin
|Director:||Marcus Nispel—‘Friday the 13th’ (2009), ‘Pathfinder’ (2007), ‘The Texas Chainsaw Massacre’ (2003)”|
|Producer:||Nu Image Films
“I want your head!”
“Conan the Barbarian” tells of a man Conan (Jason Momoa) that goes on a bloody pursuit of the man who responsible for his father’s death. Having never seen the original “Conan…,” I was merely intrigued by the trailer, and that freed me from comparison woes. The film begins with a violent battle scene where Conan’s mother is slain while pregnant. She gives birth to a boy and with her dying breathe names him Conan. This gritty opening scene sets the stage for a very gritty and ruinous picture.
The acting is lacking, with little dialogue between characters, and, of that dialogue, almost none is good or worth repeating. However, one line does stand out. It went something like “We may be barbarians, but we don’t kill babies like other ‘civilized’ nations.” The way that line is phrased stuck out for obvious reasons. Not one acting performance stands out as great, but all seem to play their parts fine.
Number one is the violence; there is so much killing and bloody violence, it is nauseating. Second is the sorcery and paganism—very present and disturbing. The antagonist makes use of witchcraft, sorcery other pagan practices, in order to achieve great dark powers—a theme that runs rampant throughout the film. Third is the nudity and sexuality; there is quite a bit of bare breasted women, and there is one graphic sex scene. Language is minor to none; there’s what sounds like 1 use of the “s” word.
While watching one man’s quest for revenge and another man’s quest for power, two verses came to mind.
“Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY,” says the Lord” —Romans 12:19.
“When you come into the land which the LORD your God is giving you, you shall not learn to follow the abominations of those nations. There shall not be found among you anyone who makes his son or his daughter pass through the fire [an ancient occult practice], or one who practices witchcraft, or a soothsayer, or one who interprets omens, or a sorcerer, or one who conjures spells, or a medium, or a spiritist, or one who calls up the dead. For all who do these things are an abomination [detestable] to the LORD…” —Deuteronomy 18:9-12a.
Overall, I do not recommend “Conan…,” it feels like a mish mash of “Prince of Persia” and “300”, but not as good. While the costumes and makeup are quite believable, the film is sometimes choppy and incoherent. Plus, when you add in the overt violence and nudity, it all adds to a skip it.
Violence: Extreme / Profanity: Minor / Sex/Nudity: Extreme
See list of Relevant Issues—questions-and-answers.
“…Hungry for gore? This remake’s for you… In the modern blockbuster, then, the spectacle may be lavish but the arithmetic is dead simple: 1-syllable dialogue + 2-much action + 3D = big weekend grosses. … [1½/4]”
—Rick Groen, The Globe and Mail
“…the well-executed pic solves the biggest challenge facing those hoping to breathe new life—however nasty, brutish and short—into the 79-year-old franchise by finding an actor capable of filling Ah-nuld’s shoes, all of which portends brawny international biz, with sequels to follow. …”
—Peter Debruge, Variety
“…The film, tarted up with 3-D and introduced in voice-over by an understandably uncredited Morgan Freeman, is partly an origin story and partly proto-mythopoetic men’s movement gibberish involving good versus evil, the usual swords, sorcery and flagrantly bulgy masculinity. … some wit and surprisingly O.K. performances…”
—Manohla Dargis, The New York Times
“…here’s a movie that’s simultaneously lavishly violent and numbing, visually ornate and undistinguished, epic and shallow, relentlessly noisy and tone-deaf, workmanlike and unfilling. … [C]”
—Lisa Schwarzbaumm, Entertainment Weekly
“…Take away much of the myth, most of the sorcery and all of the humor of the 1982 John Milius-Arnold Schwarzenegger version of the sword and sorcery epic ‘Conan the Barbarian,’ and you’ve got an idea what the new ‘Conan…’ is like.”
—Roger Moore, Orlando Sentinel
“…Neutering a character who was known for his brutishness. …‘Conan…” was directed by Marcus Nispel, who specializes in slick, unremarkable remakes of hit movies (‘The Texas Chainsaw Massacre,’ ‘Friday the 13th’). Nispel is a good shooter and knows how to frame a memorable image, but he has no sense of storytelling or narrative: one thing just leads to another. …[1/4]”
—Rene Rodriguez, The Miami Herald
“…Three entire dimensions of lousy. … this movie does everything wrong. … It takes a lot for a ‘Conan the Barbarian’ movie to be flat-out idiotic, when you consider how low the bar is set already. …”
—Mick LaSalle, San Francisco Chronicle
“…more brawn than brains… At least Nispel understands the key appeal of author Robert E. Howard’s Cimmerian warrior: that every red-blooded boy yearns to wallow in someone else’s blood and guts and possess any number of half-naked slave girls. …[C+]”
—James Verniere, The Boston Herald