Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle

What would you do for a White Castle hamburger? Would you drive for hours, go to jail, perform surgery, ride a cheetah, steal a truck, or hang glide? The title characters of this movie would, and did. As for me, I would probably need someone to pay me $100 to eat a White Castle burger, and I would probably need more than that to see this movie again.

Plot? I revealed it in the first two sentences of the review. That is about as deep as it goes. Two pot-smoking minorities (John Cho and Kal Penn) on a quest for hamburgers. One wacky adventure after another. Sound funny? It wasn’t. I laughed once or possible twice. Not a good ratio for an hour and twenty minute “comedy.”

However, if you want to talk about high ratios, we can examine the ratio of vulgar words and references. Overall, that comes down to about two per minute. Conservatively, I counted no fewer than twenty different objectionable words used throughout. This included vulgar references to body parts and fluids, as well as the more common, but nonetheless offensive kind. In fact, there were more than 50 uses EACH of the two most common vulgarities found in “R” rated movies. Add to that another 50 uses of various other offensive terms, and add to that male and female nudity. In addition, there are a dozen or more instances of taking the Lord’s name in vain. You get the picture. You would need a calculator and a dictionary of crude language to quantify this constant assault.

There is a “Christian” character with a brief role in the movie. His name was Freakshow (Christopher Meloni), and he is a psycho country hick with boils who speaks in “Jesus loves you” terms and offers his wife for sex.

What I can’t figure out is: (1) Why would someone decide to make this movie; (2) Why other people in the theatre found any part of it funny, and perhaps most amazingly; (3) Why did two well known and prominent movie critics give this movie two thumbs up? I have no answer for any of those questions.

Are you interested in wasting $8.50? You would be better off buying 20 sliders. They are likely to make you less sick than seeing this foul-fest.

Grade: D