Shame and Rape

I think my story is a little different to the others but hopefully helpful to some.

I was raped 8 months ago, but you probably don’t realise how hard it its for me to say that. I tried to fob it off saying he just didn’t ask and for so long I blamed myself—there are so many reasons a girl can do that. I’d had a drink… I must have led him on… my skirt must have been too short… if I hadn’t talked to him, if I hadn’t kissed him…

BUT YOU MUST REALISE THAT A GIRL SHOULD BE GIVEN THE RIGHT TO SAY NO. Everyone has problems but I wanted to die when I was being raped. For so long afterwards I felt unbearably bad and dirty and disgusting and everything else negative. So, I had been at a club and gone outside and a lad followed me. I was only 5 metres away from the bouncers (at the absolute maximum) but they never stopped him from doing it. We were chatting as we had been in the club, then we kissed… I felt his hands move downwards and he raped me.

I was so scared I couldn’t move. I didn’t realise what was happening to me. Well, I did but I couldn’t do anything. I really, really tried but I couln’t move or speak. Afterwards I felt so ashamed. My friends tried to help me but they couldn’t understand. My family has never found out, and that’s the way I intend it to be kept.

For anyone who has been through my situation or needs to talk to someone, know that God is there 24/7 and your call to him is free. Jesus paid for it when he was so brutally murdered on the cross for our wrongs. And God knows your pain. Always, no matter how bad the pain gets, He is there to listen and help YOU.

A lot of people misunderstand rape. They think it has to happen in a field in pitch black with a stranger. But anyone who has experienced rape knows it isn’t. So let me leave you with three words that were the most help to me:

“God knows too.”

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