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From the Wife of an Addict (I)

—by an anonymous female, age 34

I am the wife of a sexual addict. I lived with my husband for over ten years before I knew what was tearing him, and our marriage, apart. He was moody, angry, defensive, and totally lacking in desire for me. He once said, “I don’t need intimacy.” By prayer from many people, the truth was revealed to me this past year.

My husband had an addiction that I still find unbelievable. It involves the Internet, adult bookstores, voyeurism, prostitution and time—lots of time. It took over his whole life and destroyed our family. I will never be able to look at him in the same way, and we are in the process of getting a divorce.

My husband was sexually molested during puberty and was exposed to pornography at an early age. The men he works with pass pornographic magazines around and talk about their favorite porn Web sites. He tried to fight it, but it is bigger than him. The addiction he is controlled by kept him from his family (an addiction needs to be fed and that takes time).

If anyone reading this thinks their behavior is not affecting them, think about this; my husband isolated himself from everyone, he has no friends. He kept me at arm’s length and violated the marriage vows. He can not see his children without supervision. He is depressed and suicidal. He has lost his self-respect and his family. I can’t imagine for a moment it was worth it.

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