Destroyed Trust

I’m a wife of a sexually addicted husband. We’ve been married 23 years, both born again Christians, and served in the church as youth leaders and worship leaders.

Very few know the truth of my husband’s addiction or of the affair he had four years ago that ripped my heart out. I’ve not been the same since.

We are still married, but the closeness is not the same. I’m told it will return with prayer and steadfastness. I’m still waiting. I’m constantly haunted with thoughts and pictures, and am always asking God to take those thoughts away.

Pornography and affairs ruin what once was and takes a lifetime to regain it back. It’s destroyed my trust in my husband, and I don’t know if it will ever return. It’s also destroyed my trust in friends, since the affair was with a supposed good friend, Christian also. We can’t have children naturally and his addictions and affair have destroyed a chance to adopt.

I wanted to be a missionary and so did he, but that dream has been destroyed also.

As a child growing up, you never think anything like this would happen to you. Especially a Christian. If you don’t keep yourself true to God, and your eyes upon God, that door or window is open to Satan, and he will attach, destroy, and crush everything that is important or meaningful to you.

As wives, we have to constantly pray for our husbands, that they stay under the covering of Jesus, or they will get trapped, and us as wives and those with children are all brought down too.

It’s a constant battle, one I’m struggling with. I have to remember that my husband is only a man, and without my prayers, he will fall like a man.

It is only through Christ I have made it this far, some days are rough and it hurts to know I may never get back what we had. I just have to hang on to God’s word, and his promise, because I’m only human too.

Stories Index | Question Index