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To the Brink of Insanity

by “B” (Male), age 25

“Here is my story. This is a story of an addict! I have already written part of another one and lost it, oh well, here it goes.”

I wish I could put my name here but do not believe it would be best at this time to do so. I would like to start out by saying that I have been addicted to sex for about 13 years and counting. I have been a Christian for about a year now and have found a drastic change in my life. Although I am still an addict I have found peace and state of mind in knowing my Lord and Savior JESUS CHRIST! The battle is already won. Though the devil toils and tosses, the battle is won in heaven. Thank the Lord! Amazing grace!

My life has been a hard one up to this point, there has been a lot of trials and tribulations. And I know they will continue. But hey, they will only last for a time. My life has been bombarded with sex addiction every since I was 10 years old. I am now 25. My addiction took me down dark and narrow roads where their seemed to be no way out but death. I was at the point of suicide a year ago before I gave over my life to the Lord. He has been good to me through thick and thin and I would just like to thank him for his generosity and the love that he has shown me, a sinner in Christ. Thank you God for your love in my life.

Being addicted to sex has ruined my life on several occasions. I lost my first wife to sin. I lost her to abuse in the home, but the main reason was the pornography addiction. It changed me slowly over a number of years until I couldn’t stand myself any longer. I wanted more and more and could never be satisfied. It was never enough. I wanted sex to free me of my life and obligations to other people but all I could see was my own life and problems. I lost my wife and family to addiction. I had two wonderful children. Identical twin boys that were 7 months old when I left. They are now 3 years old.

Addiction drove me to the brink of insanity continuing in a cycle over and over again and never able to break it. Along with other problems in my life this was the one that broke the camels back. I came from a home of abuse both verbal and physical. My dad was a tyrant at the home. Merciless when it came to not showing love.

I needed someone or something to feel the void in my life. God was not there and neither was man. I was all alone and afraid with nowhere to go. Pornography gave me a sense of high and power that I could never have from life. I wanted it all the time. It took my life over and had it not been for God I may have done some things that I would have regretted now. I was on my way to the grave and the scary thing is that I wouldn’t have even thought twice about it; if I would have had a gun in my hand. I would have done it. Thank the Lord for removing these things out of my life or I would not be here but in hell! You are speaking to a man from the grave that has been given a second chance in life to live his life for the Lord. I am grateful each and everyday that I have to live for him.

I am here just to tell you that there is hope in life. Hope in the Lord! If you do not know him he would like to know you. Trust me the Lord loves you and wants to help you and will. All you have to do is to trust in him to help you through whatever you are going through. He will do it, he will do it. Believe in the name of the Lord and he will defeat all your demons through you and others. Put your faith and trust in him and know that he is God. If you do not know him, go to a church just to see what it has to offer you. If you are in church and can find no victory go to your pastor or a friend and tell him or her what is going on in your life. They will not reject you. They love you.

Trust in the Lord to free you soul. Trust in the Lord!

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