Worried

It’s funny how the root of sexual temptation always seems to start when we are young, mainly through the home or from friends. I found myself opened up to the world of pornography and masturbation when I was 13, and ever since have had become the number one hindrance with my walk with God.

I grew up in a non-Christian home where my father and brother were frequent fans of pornography (my brother even owned his own pornographic website), so from this young age I had it engrained in my mind that it was ok.

Ever since then, growing up through high school, I was dateless, and I would always find rest from the day through all that crud. To make a very long story short, I’m in college now and accepted Christ in September, and since then God has done such amazing and incredible things in my life while I still continue to gratify myself with disgusting means of sexual content.

But for the first time in my life, I know what I’m doing is wrong, and I have a true, earnest desire to stop. I’ve gone on retreats with college groups and talked about everything but for the life of me I cannot get rid of this. I know the battle is already won, and I know any temptation isn’t too much with us because we have God in our corner, and those mere facts makes me feel that much more disgusted when I do sin, knowing that it’s so easy to say no.

I’ve given my entire life to Christ, for him to do whatever he pleases with it, but every time I try to walk clearly and holy, I am dragged down by my own selfish, impure desires.

I know every other guy in the world struggles with lust on some level or another, but that fact doesn’t make it easier to kick the habit.

For the first time in my almost year long walk with Christ, I am worried. I know we are not to worry, but all I want in life is that relationship with God, and this is continually distracting me. I can only wait till next year when I am out of the dorms and living with Christian roommates, keeping me accountable for my actions.

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