Fighting the Temptation
After much indecision I’ve decided to contribute with my story. You will find it difficult to believe what I am going to share. I was brought up in a very strict Christian family. As a kid I had restricted access to TV and my parents didn’t even permit me to mingle with children of my own age group. My father will come searching for me, if I happen to return late from school. Locked in my home I became curious, and I masturbated without sensing anything wrong. After the deed, I felt dirty, but I had to acknowledge a strange thrill. Anyhow, I vowed never to do that again, only to find myself searching for a secret place after a couple of hours. I was 11 yrs old then. I had no problem with my studies. I was the class topper very often, and my parents never suspected anything. Above all, I had such an innocent face!
But things were never the same in my heart. I felt more and more guilty. There was a burden in my heart. I found that the sin won’t be satisfied with a small portion of my life, as time went it demanded a more dominant role. I prided myself for my determination—even when the cards are down I’ll pursue with dogged determination and accomplish what all I had planned to study. My determination received a huge blow when it came to sex. I wasn’t able to prevent myself from running after anything provocative. I harboured a wrong notion that I was the only guy with these special problems. Above all I started playing “peeping Tom” which added to my shame. I took all measures to hide my activities from everybody and to this day I’ve succeeded, at least to my knowledge. But when my eyes were opened to the scripture I discovered that God KNOWS ME and at least from Him I can’t run away.
The first time I experienced real peace was with JESUS. But soon to my dismay I discovered that knowing Jesus simply won’t make me immune to sin. Indeed I fell but there wasn’t a moment I felt alone. It is where I think people like me make the mistake—relapsing makes us lose the joy of salvation but never salvation itself. It took me a lot of time to steer my path clear. I received Jesus in my heart in a student camp a few months back and I have started fleeing from sin since then. I am an engineering student and I’ll complete my graduation in the first year of the new millennium. There are only few Christians in our college and we have a functioning prayer cell. I played an active role even when I struggled with sin. My message to my unknown friends is that there is great power in getting together and sharing with like minded believing friends. It brought a great change in my life.
I am going to pursue a software career—the first hazard I faced was the Internet. I was shocked to see the extent of pornography that was freely available. I have to confess that I soon started gratifying my sexual appetite.
But before the deluge can overwhelm me my Saviour reached out to me thro’ ChristianAnswers.Net. Not only I read the materials given under “sex” and other youth problems I also clarified the doubts in my “very rational” thinking mind regarding Creation-Evolution issues. From now onwards I would raise my voice for the Creation theory. [before, I’ll maintain silence whenever this issue was brought in].
Real joy is only with Jesus. I can’t promise that I won’t sin again in my life because everyday I am tempted and new avenues for sin get opened very often. But I believe that thro’ Jesus I’ll have the victory. I have no need to fight because the victory has already been won for me and I just have to say “NO” when the tempter comes.