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Torn Up Inside

—by an Anonymous Male, age 39

“I share my story as well as a way too reach out to anyone needing help and to show they are not alone.”

I was not raised a Christian. I had exposure to porn at an early age via movies, magazines & older guys in my neighborhood. I became addicted too masturbation at age 7, using it as a means to deal with any pain or frustration.

I became a Christian at 16, and I went on to become a youth leader, attend Bible college & seminary, as well as being a youth pastor of a small church for a short time. I even was called the best example of a Christian by my atheist roommate at the time in college.

I share all this because, while outwardly I was doing everything I could to be a strong Christian minister and witness to others, inside I was torn up by my sexual addiction. For me, phone sex has been the most insidious culprit in my struggle. Calling women on chat lines, dating lines or other means has been my downfall. I ran up a huge phone bill calling phone sex lines in another state while I was a youth minister. I was forced to resign when they discovered the source of my calls. I still struggle to this day, longing to again be used by the Lord as a minister, but caught in the trap of this addiction.

I hope that this can help any men my age or younger who share in this struggle. I am 39.

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