The Next Best Thing

“The Next Best Thing” had promise. The acting leads are talented and the film’s premise COULD have been interesting. But after about 45 minutes of some hybrid British accent from Madonna, too many gay jokes, too much gay rights propaganda, and an overabundance of poor acting from Madonna, one might start to doze off.

Madonna plays Abbie, a single woman who is beyond fed up with dating all these losers who never give her any respect. On the cusp of her latest breakup, she runs to her best friend for a shoulder to cry on (the gay Robert; played well by Rupert Everett). And when Abbie and Robert get drunk, they end up having an alcohol-induced one night stand which results in an unplanned pregnancy. So Abbie and Robert decide to raise the baby together. Flash forward. The baby is no longer a baby, but a 6-year-old boy. He doesn’t really understand his family’s odd predicament, but he’s beginning too. And when Abbie becomes engaged to Ben (Benjamin Bratt, also with a good performance) who plans to move to New York, the best friends part ways and their little boy ends up in the middle of a bitter custody battle.

From a Christian perspective, this film could and most definitely will offend many Christian moviegoers. If you believe homosexuality is biblically wrong, “The Next Best Thing” will most likely infuriate you. It is 100% pro-gay-rights. Also included is an implied sexual relationship between two men (we see them wake up after sex), some foul language, and several scenes of partial nudity: Abbie is seen from behind in a thong bikini; in another scene she is wearing a see-through bra which exposes her breasts; then there is the photo from a childbirth book that shows in detail the head of a baby exiting the mother during birth).

Combined with the few scenes of nudity and the pro-gay slant (more of a mountainside, really) and Madonna’s wretched performance and bad, bad script, “The Next Best Thing” is just as its title implies.