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Hope Through the Hard Times

—by a 40-year old female

Sixteen years ago I met my husband. We have been married now for 14 years. Both of us were Christians. In fact I met him at a church conference. He really had to convince me to marry him because I didn’t ever plan to marry. So began one of the best relationships I’d ever had. Until the day I came home and decided to organized our closets…

I put my hand on his tennis bag and I felt the presence of God. When I opened it up I was so shocked to discover not only pornography, but a key to a mail box in a local post office in a fictitious name. He lied through that confrontation and every other one.

Our relationship was so built on the call of God on both of our lives that I felt I could not handle the disappointment. I felt alone. I had been in the ministry since the age of 22. My current pastor just brushed it aside and said maybe I was too sanctimonious. Later I found out why. He too is addicted. How could he help me?

I went through depression and changed my approach to marriage so many times yet I continued to find more junk including videos and computer sites. Then he began having on-line chats with women and they began to call my house when I worked. It goes on and on unless somebody breaks the cycle.

I continued in the ministry but it was hard to travel and speak and minister to others in such a broken state. Jesus was and always will be my only answer. He brought me through it and changed not only my husband, but me as well. I began to research and understand that I was not responsible for my husband’s problem. It was his problem and no matter how sexy or different I became it did not break his cycle of addiction until he decided he was miserable with what he had become and got tired of his sin. Then came the turn around that we are experiencing today.

Now he is delivered and even pastors a church. Isn’t that a miracle? For me it is wonderful. I drug this burden around for years and it feels so good to be free of it. Now I want to help others so they don’t have to feel so alone like I did. I want to tell them that Jesus can do that for them. He did it for me. He set me free from the depression, hurt, bitterness and unforgiveness. Those were the things that really had me bound.

While I know not every story ends so well, ours did and I am so glad to be able to share hope. Hang in there if you’re hurting because Jesus Christ is the High Priest that can be touched with the feeling of your infirmity.

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