I Could Never Be Your Woman

This film is directed by Amy Heckerling of “Clueless” fame and stars Michelle Pfeiffer and Paul Rudd, the latter also from “Clueless.” The story centers around the life of a single mom in Hollywood who falls for a younger man. As we follow Rosie (Pfeiffer’s character), we watch her working her way through unending rivalry between her and her studio superiors, and through her quest for love, as she parents her eleven year old daughter Izzie, played very convincingly by young Saoirse Ronan (“Atonement”).

The movie falls quite rapidly, as we witness her being a mother to this young, beautiful girl, who is also “falling in love” for the first time. As Rosie meets and falls for Adam (Rudd), he falls twice as hard for her. This almost saves the film and makes it at least some what bearable to watch, as Rudd is funny and endearing, and does not seem to care about the age difference between the two.

Jon Lovitz plays Rosie’s ex-husband, who, for some reason, still hangs around the house in their a la Demi/Kutcher/Willis relationship, in fact, it is mentioned as such at some points during the movie. Izzie is left alone in the house all the time, with no adult supervision.

I had a hard time watching Rosie parent this child, who comes of age in mid film, as she gets her menstrual cycle for the first time. Their conversation goes into scary gear when she asks her mother when she can have sex now that she’s menstruating. A deal, of sorts, ensues when Rosie (Pfeiffer) says, “When you get your doctorate.” To which Izzie responds, “No, when I’m seventeen.” “No, when you’re in college.” To which the young girl answers, “No mom, at fifteen, since fifteen is the new seventeen.” This gets even worse as Rosie instructs her young girl how to get the guy and confides in her about her relationship with Adam, to which the daughter gives plenty of advice.

There is a scene in which the two are playing with Barbies, and the conversation is so worldly I actually felt sorry for this young girl—who, by the way, wears more make-up than her mother. Then, as she feels all grown up falling in love, she just gets rid of the Barbies all together. Rosie fights out loud with “Mother Nature,” played by Tracy Ullman, who also narrates parts of the movie.

There are problems with language. In fact, some of it is used by the child, as she uses the word “whore” to refer to other young girls in Hollywood in a Britney Spears parody song she’s written.

Young Izzie kisses her love interest. There are plenty of sexual situations in the film, though people are dressed.

In another scene, Pfeiffer screams at her daughter’s teacher in a parent/teacher conference and tells the teacher what he can do with his classroom exams, as her young daughter watches her mother take authority right from under the teacher.

We also witness young Izzie using witchcraft to “get her man,” much to her mom’s approval.

Though I am a fan of both Rudd and Pfeiffer, I suspect these two had lots of free time on their schedules and decided to just do this movie for the sake of “work.”

This young girl is not even close to being a good example to other young girls, but she doesn’t have a chance with a mother like hers. This film is at times very funny, and the acting is light, but natural. That being said though, I do not recommend this film at all.

“Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity.” —1 Timothy 4:12

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