Personal Stories from those affected by sexual sin
Victory through Christ from Hell on Earth
by Charlie, age 18
My mother, who was an immigrant, came to this country in the pursuit of bigger things in life. She will admit that she would have never gotten to where she is now without God. She obtained U.S. citizenship in the mid-70s. Today she is a certified network specialist (computers) making big bucks. Really impressive for being an immigrant and a woman. Her former enemies stare at her with awe and shame as they peer on to the blessings she has gotten. I’m really proud of her.
My Dad grew up in L.A. in a home of 7 other brothers and sisters. He attended high school in the late 1970s, went to trade school, and became a printer. Very street-wise.
I was born in Los Angeles. My mom had me when she was 21, and my dad—I think—was 25. I grew up with them in California. When I was 4 years old I attended a private Christian school. As a student of such a school, I was under the impression that everyone in the world knew God, and was a Christian. Hey, I was around them. What WAS I supposed to think? We little boys of this school were as many other Christian boys—religious. I remember the times when my friends and I used to fight each other for the heck of it. We roughhoused and punched and kicked. The person who cries first loses. It was fun at the time, but I look back now, and well, it was childish.
At that time my dad was into alcohol. Whenever my dad and mom were fighting, I was crying. When under the influence of alcohol, he would get so violent. My mother went through lots of stress… And I was always crying because of it.
My dad grew up in a rough home in a rough neighborhood, my grandfather had the same toughness before him, and his father’s father did too, etc. I suppose. Anyway, Pride was, and still is, the motive of the our family. It passes down like a generational curse. I still respect my dad, and granddad, and I never knew the granddad before him, but I saw his pics. He had a huge moustache and… ANYWAYS…
We moved from one city to the next, where I began attending public school. Like I said I thought everyone was into Jesus. But of course kids were meaner. Many of whom grew up without the fear of God. And as time grew on I developed a low self-image. In Junior High, I was overweight. Very low self-esteem. I didn’t know God. And I was looked down on… My dad quit drinking in the early 1990s, when my mom threatened a divorce. That was good. He changed from his violent ways. He now serves workaholics, instead of alcoholics.
When I went to high school I joined the marching band. I somehow lost weight, 'cause I was as skinny as a toothpick. I still got bad grades, which happened until my senior year. I had two girlfriends. The first one cheated on me. I was hurt, but I kept my head up with pride, 'cause I knew she was the bad guy, and I had friends to back me up. The second one left me for another guy. Now this really hurt me, 'cause I really liked her. So I resorted to masochism to dull my pain. I didn’t like myself. I hated myself. I sliced my arms with knives. I was going crazy. Perhaps demon-possessed.
I contemplated suicide often. I just couldn’t bring myself to it, 'cause I knew there was a God, and I didn’t really know what happens to people who commit suicide. I lacked knowledge of whom Jesus was, though. I didn’t know he WAS God. I didn’t acknowledge that.
At the last day of my sophomore year, I was talking to one of my classmates about naked women and all that. When school ended he gave me three porn magazines. Let me tell you that whatever it is… first drink of alcohol, first look at these kinky magazines… it is a gateway to Hell. Hell on Earth. I looked at these magazines, unaware that I was being sucked into Hell on Earth. Satan came to me as an angel of sensuality. I became addicted later on. All summer long I became a slave of pornography, female domination, adultery… I was a level 1 sex-maniac. All through my junior year, I would ditch my classes just to spend whole days looking up porn in the Internet. At the end of that year, I failed almost all of my classes due to being absent too much. I overdid it. I was ashamed, but I kept doing it. I made vows that I would not do it again, but I kept on doing it. It’s like being in a pit of tar. The flesh kept conquering.
Over the summer of 1998, I decided that I wanted to jog. Perhaps go into the Olympics. I dreamt a lot about that. So I jogged all that summer. It gave me a huge sense of pride. I jogged until I was always beat to death, but the glory went to pride, though I did leave some for God. When summer school started, I was back into porn and into sensuality. I had more pride, but it didn’t do well for my grades.
When my senior year started, I began reading the Bible. I wanted to read it because I wanted a new sense of righteousness. I wanted to see what the fine definition between right and wrong is, so that I could better myself. I never knew whether masturbation was right or wrong. I wanted to know. I wanted to get out of the darkness. I read from Genesis to the New Testament for about three months. I was intrigued by the history of the Israelites, and I believed all the miracles that happened. Moses frees Israel from Egypt. Elijah, the prophet. David. Joshua. I had a new sense of fear for the Lord. I had good respect for Him. I admired his power and authority.
I guess the Holy Spirit was telling me during my summer period (while I was jogging my body out) to follow Him. And so God was leading me out. The purging of the body DOES lead you closer to God. Like fasting. When I got to the New Testament, I read that Jesus actually made the claim that he was God. This was amazing to me because there was actually someone who was God incarnate! (I didn’t know that until then.)
When I confessed that “Jesus is Lord”, and handed my life over to him, I was on fire. I mean I was baptized in flames and of the Holy Ghost. I was determined to live for him. I began by breaking the spirit of lust out of my life. And I was free! For many months now, I have not looked at a single porn site. With the Word of God as my weapon, the battle was waged and won. PRAISE GOD! Hallelujah to the Lamb of God.