On the Line

The group ’N Sync has enjoyed a great deal of popularity. They have sold lots of records and sing before sold out audiences. It is no surprise that all this adoration has led to a movie. Personally, I think all the fans that never make it into a stadium or concert venue would enjoy seeing a concert on the big screen. It certainly would be cheaper and more enjoyable to watch. Hollywood always has another agenda to exploit youthful idolization. “On the Line” uses two of the group’s members in lead and supporting roles. It is obvious why the lead was given to Lance Bass. He is the most popular ’N Sync-er. Lance has 517 fan sites on Yahoo alone. I am not sure why Joey Fatone was picked for his best friend—unless he was the one that had the best screen test. The best part of the movie is that it is only 85 minutes long (ouch!).

“On the Line” is the “knock-off” version of the much better film “Serendipity”. Miramax is hoping that we are blind to the fact that they released both of these date-flics. “Serendipity” was a story of boy-meets-girl, boy-loses-girl, boy-tries-desperately-to-find girl. “On the Line” is a story of boy-meets-girl, boy-loses-girl, boy-tries-desperately-to-find girl (Wow! I love it when I can cut-and-paste). Did you notice any similarities? Duh! Both used the same cookie-cutters—just a slightly different recipe. This time Lance tries to convince us that he is the “every-man” that guys can relate to. Sorry Lance, John Cusack has you beat in that department.

While riding the L in Chicago, Kevin Gibbons (Lance Bass) meets Abbey (Emmanuelle Chriqui). She is cute, pleasant, and can recite all the American presidents in order (always a criteria for considering someone for marriage). Kevin freezes (again!) and misses his bachelor opportunity to ask her for the all important phone number. While Kevin is kicking himself over the girl that got away, his roommates begin to coach him on how to find her. This is where another ’N-Syncer gets to help the plot along. Rod (Joey Fatone) encourages Kevin to use his experience in advertising (how convenient!) to get her back. It isn’t long before the flyers plastered all over town make page-one news. The phone calls also provide dating occasions for his friend Rod. Will Kevin ever find the girl of his dreams? Will Abbey ever give him her phone number? Can Al Green rescue us all from boredom? I think you already know the answers to these questions.

The film is right “On the Line” for its PG rating, with its share of profanity (much of which has been dubbed over). This makes me wonder what the expanded DVD version will be like. My guess is that they will package this loser with the groups next release or sell it for $1.99 at Burger King.

There is plenty of crude humor in “OTL”; why do studios think that teens love scenes with lots of farting?! Enough already! The soundtrack does contain some sexually related lyrics (“Love is like a bomb, baby, c’mon get it on…” or “Pour your sugar on me. Oh, I can’t get enough. I’m hot, sticky sweet. From my head to my feet…”) and it is a cheap package to give to their fans.

My very strong recommendation is to skip this one now and later. I know my 10-year-old ’N Sync fan was a little disappointed that he did not get to see the film. I do recommend the new Christian Web site eharmony.com. It gives some great guidelines for singles on that quest for a mate. Their goal is to reduce the divorce rate by 10% over the next 5 years by helping compatible Christians expand their pool of choices. They offer a spiritual alternative to the Hollywood notion of fate and chance.