Sex, Love and Relationships
Personal Stories from those affected by sexual sin

Growing Up Without a Father

by Will M., age 23

“Hey everyone. I am writing this to all of the young men who have or are struggling with homosexuality.”

My battle started at age 11 and it still haunts me 12 years later. Christ has brought me a long way and the temptations get less and less. I’ll be honest—when a good looking guy walks by I can still get distracted. If you have grown up without a father then I would imagine that is where your struggle really began… you just didn’t know it. Now, since I can’t see you, I can only speak for myself personally, but if I’m right for your situation too, read on.

Life preserver. Illustration copyrighted.

I understand how it all starts. First a look… a thought. You wonder… you fantasize. Then it turns into something more when you’re at the pool or in gym class. Your “casual glances” are turning into full blown lust and you begin to dream about what it would be like to be with that man. Somewhere inside you is a longing to feel loved, not just by your mother but by another man. So you and the other guy become friends and as your friendship develops it turns into something more.

Warning. Illustration copyrighted.
  • Flag 1. Your “innocent curiosity” turns into “permanent obsession”.

  • Flag 2. You begin to masturbate, fantasize, read and/or watch pornographic material.

  • Flag 3. Fear begins to creep into your life and your fantasy begins to turn into a nightmare.

Here are some questions you can ask and answer yourself.

  • Do I control the lust or does it control me?

  • If I am a Christian, what does this say about my eternal life?

  • Is my being homosexual a simple fulfillment of fantasy, or am I covering up a loneliness that eats away at my heart?

Homosexuality

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I know I took a detour there for a while, but I wanted you to know that these are the very same questions I had to ask myself. When I faced the truth, it scared me to the bone. I was covering up my longing to be loved, accepted, valued and for friendship with a temporary fix. After all, that is what homosexuality is—a temporary fix. It will never bring you any real satisfaction no matter the package it comes in. I can promise you this. I was trapped in bondage not just to homosexuality but to lust, pornography, masturbation, depression and fear.

If any of this is striking a nerve, that’s good because here is where the Sonshine breaks through the darkness.

I was 19 and very lonely, depressed, angry, confused and heavily addicted to pornography. I’m talking dropping at least $50 a week. I was saved when I turned 18. When I moved to Atlanta, I was still homosexual and very angry at God. But little did I know that God was about to turn my life completely upside down.

No matter where you are on your walk, I can assure you that you haven’t fallen from the reach of God’s love. He is still there waiting for you to reach out your hand and take you into His arms.

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