Out Cold

The expression “out cold” usually refers to a state of unconsciousness. That certainly describes the condition the directors, writers, and actors were in when they made this film. The MPA was also out cold too when they did the final rating on this movie. This film was originally a rated-R project from Disney’s Touchstone Pictures. Some of their other R-rated movies tanked at the box office. Studios have found a gold mine in the “PG-13” rating, but once again I scratch my head and ask myself “where are the boundaries?”

“Out Cold” marked the directorial debut of Emmett and Brendan Malloy. They previously only directed commercials. It is obvious that they are trying to compete with the Farrely Brothers (in the offensive department). This film was also the screenwriting debut for Jon Zack. The Hollywood Reporter said that their goal was to make a classic comedy like “Caddyshack” or “Animal House” (not a standard that I would try to aspire to). The Malloy brothers and Mr. Zack only succeeded in making a classic loser. My biggest disappointment in watching this film was the hard-cold reality of the world of movie distribution. The Christian film “Extreme Days” was not released anywhere in the New England area, but this snowboarding loser is everywhere.

“Out Cold” takes place in Alaska on Bull Mountain. It is your stereotypical Hollywood ski resort—no one really works. They just snowboard, drink beer, then snowboard some more. The films main emphasis was not even on snowboarding. It spent more time and film on alcohol consumption and sex than anything else. Our high-altitude dudes are Rick (Jason London), Luke (Zach Galifianakis), Anthony (Flex Alexander) and Pig Pen (Derek Hamilton). They are about to cross paths with a high-society entrepreneur named John Majors (Lee Majors). Jason London did a decent bit of acting in this flic, but Lee Majors was terrible.

it’s the slobs vs. the snobs in this story of how our Alaskan resort almost became yuppie heaven (complete with latte and hot tubs). “Out Cold” is even worse then the ’84 teen sex comedy “Hot Dog—The Movie.” Mindless and sophomoric would be a complement for complete waste of celluloid. They even throw in a Playboy Playmate for some shameless sexual window dressing. She plays the role of Major’s Swedish stepdaughter. His other daughter, Anna (Caroline Dhavernas), is Rick’s love interest. She once stood him up in Cancun, but since Hollywood has such a small imagination—she shows up in Alaska. I’ll spare you the rest of the very boring details.

This film is loaded with sexual innuendos and sexually explicit physical humor. Not just once, but several times throughout the film. It has partial nudity and several references to the homosexual lifestyle. One of the characters is even applauded for coming-out. There are discussions about lesbian chat rooms and viewers painfully watch two men portraying women on-line. My very strong advice is to skip this film and rent or buy “Extreme Days” when it is released.