Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret

Every woman remembers that painful time of her life when she was twelve years old. Stuck between childhood and womanhood, wondering when she will make that leap, and curious about everything “grown up.” This movie is based on a coming of age novel frequently banned from junior high reading programs due to its frank discussion of mature themes (puberty and menstruation, along with its unflinching attitude toward “religion”). The film is not as explicit as the book, but does still spend a lot of time on these things. It’s touching, but at times, a bit uncomfortable to watch.

Margaret (Abby Ryder Fortson) has come home from summer camp full of excitement and joy, only to have her parents drop a bombshell on her—they are moving to New Jersey, away from her beloved New York, her friends, and most importantly, her grandmother (Kathy Bates). Margaret dreads change, and prays that her new life won’t be as horrible as she expects. On her first day in the neighborhood, she meets a new friend, the “very mature” Nancy (Elle Graham), who invites her to join a four-girl secret club at school. The girls meet up after class and determine their very grown-up rules, which include keeping a record of their crushes, wearing bras, and being honest with each other about certain things, such as first periods.

Though Margaret hasn’t spent much time thinking about these things before, now, under the influence of her friends, she starts desperately praying that God will grow her up. In the meantime, her teacher finds her statement at school that she hates religious holidays puzzling and asks her about it. It turns out Margaret comes from a mixed background. Her mother’s Christian parents disinherited her when she married a Jew, so her parents decided to let her pick her own religion when she grows up. Encouraged by her honesty, the teacher asks her to make religion her long-term topic for the year.

While she navigates the struggles of teenage boys, rumor mills, and curiosity about grown up things, Margaret talks to God a lot, and tries out different religions. She attends temple with her grandmother, she goes to a Pentecostal church with a friend, then a more straight-laced church, and finally, even tries out a Catholic confessional.

This movie is a strange blend of deep, meaningful conversations and questions about God, and an awkward coming of age story. A lot of it charmed me, and made me remember being that age. Some of it made me sad, for the way people treat each other (everyone thinks they are right, and doesn’t care that a little girl is getting upset). I am not sure who the movie is for, either. It focuses too much on female issues for a male audience, it’s too mature for most preteens, and an adult might not want to revisit it. A lot of the story revolves around getting your first period. An illustration talks about how they “work.” The girls excitedly tell each other “I got it!” and/or have mental breakdowns when it happens. Each time, their mother has to rush in and reassure them and make them okay. In a way, that may be the most touching thing about the film, how much it centers on the relationship between mothers and daughters, and how often a mother comes alongside to guide, teach, and provide comfort.

The author has no particular religion; Margaret at one point proclaims there is no God, but by the end, is talking to Him again. It’s charming how often she talks to him, confiding her soul to him, about the silly things (boys) and the serious ones (her distress for her mom’s abandonment by her parents; her confession she doesn’t want to be Nancy’s friend anymore; her guilt for being mean to a fellow student). We learn neither of her grandparents (Jewish and Christian) tolerate the other side. Her Christian grandparents think she’s going to hell, a painful sticking point for her mom. Margaret says she wishes she had been “born into a religion like other people,” implying that all of them are cultural believers who are making no conscious choices.

Other content concerns include “Oh, my G*d!” being used many, many times; God’s name is coupled with a swear word once, and someone uses “Jesus!” as an exclamation.

The girls pour over an anatomy book that has a drawing in it of a penis and how it functions (they joke about it, and one girl admits she’s seen her brother naked) and a copy of Playboy (we don’t see anything, but they talk about her breasts). There’s lots of comparisons of their upper development, conversation about bra sizes, and bra strap snapping; a boy tells a girl she needs to ‘grow an inch, and we both know where,’ and the girls repeat the mantra I “must, must grow my bust!” The girls spread untrue rumors about the most mature girl in the class allowing boys to “feel her up.” Margaret prays to grow breasts and start her period.

It’s an interesting technique for a writer to combine such a serious topic as a child’s relationship with God with so many other frank themes, which makes it a little imbalanced. It’s a meaningful story about a girl searching for the truth as she grows up, but it doesn’t offer any solid answers other than the fact that she decides “alone time” with God is of greater value to her than any organized belief system. In the end, it’s both thought-provoking and a little cringe.

See list of Relevant Issues—questions-and-answers.